Don’t You Want an Ideal Body?

Here’s why body shaming must stop right now.

I clearly remember the first time I was “fat shamed.” The phrase – fat shaming wasn’t popular back then. A fellow student looked at me and said, “How much do her parents feed her?” There were other students as well and I saw everyone nodding in agreement. There was no remorse or compassion. No one asked her to stop being rude. Everyone just continued with their conversations and I sat in a corner – feeling low.

Two decades later I still think about that experience. And the interesting thing is that people haven’t changed much. They still believe something is wrong with me. Fat shaming sadly has become socially acceptable to the point where it is now intolerable. Most women and even men believe it won’t hurt if your body is made a talking point.

In this era where we are obsessed with being skinny or tiny, I’d like to say a few things. We all have days when we don’t feel good about ourselves and the last thing I want is to be attacked about my weight. I have always been big. “You must wear black often; it is a slimming color.” Well, people – there is more than one type of physique. Are women with curves not allowed to wear colors and embrace their bodies as well?

I’m happy about how Body positivity promotes the different kinds of body frames. But there’s a lot to be done. Another rude question we often encounter is “when was the last time you had a healthy meal?” Okay, I can guarantee that this question is not helpful or kind. In fact, it is offensive and why would someone ask that in the first place. It is just plain rude.

It’s hard to be happy when I am judged for my size. Of course, I want to be healthy, but it does not mean I want to be skinny! Maybe I want to be more toned or muscular.

Fat shaming has got to the point where new people would remember you for how you look. You’d find dozens of obnoxious memes on social media. It’s upsetting to see my physique being subjected to unsolicited advice and jokes. Even celebs aren’t immune to fat shaming – it effects them as well.

People also need to realize skinny shaming has the same negative emotional impact as fat shaming. You can’t get away with a little smirk if you thought skinny shaming is acceptable. Remember that you should be cautious about the way you speak about the other person’s appearance. Normal decency should apply to conversations. Don’t let someone down to make yourself feel better. These harsh words can break someone’s ‘body’ confidence – forever!

Know When Enough is Enough!

It’s always good to try to work things out. But you must know when to put your foot down.

No one plans to get into a toxic relationship. In fact, most of us don’t realize we are in one until it is impossible to turn back. Sadly most women can’t recognize the fact that they are being abused. It is also important to note that not all abuse is physical; there is mental and emotional abuse. Abuse can be covert as well as overt.

Abusive partners don’t show their true colours on the first meeting.  In fact, it’s quite the opposite. In the beginning, the other person is extremely affectionate and rushes into a commitment very quickly. Most women being innocent probably believe that he is too good.

Identifying an abusive relationship can be tricky because the victim doesn’t want to break the image of a ‘strong woman.’ After all, good women are ones who compromise.

Of course, no relationship is perfect. But one thing is certain. A healthy relationship should make you feel secure, happy, respected and free to be yourself. Toxic relationships, on the other hand, make you feel drained, depleted, and worthless.

How can you spot a toxic relationship? Watch out for the following red flags.

  1. It’s all take, no give. If you are the only person expected to compromise and change yourself, the threat is real.
  2. Constantly feeling sad or low. If you are always demotivated, stressed out and fatigued, it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship status.
  3. If your partner doesn’t trust you, it is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship. If your partner is disrespectful to you, says things that make you feel bad, blocks you from leaving the home, forces you to stop spending time with your friends, you are better off alone.
  4. Judgmental relationships can never function smoothly. Criticism and feedback should be helpful and never belittle the other person. Mutual respect is the first requirement of a good partnership.
  5. If the other person doesn’t communicate, there is no relationship. Period.
  6. If your partner wants to be in control or there is a constant tug-of-war, you’re in a damaging relationship.
  7. Good relationships are supposed to improve your life. If you have to change opinions to please someone else, there is no reason to be in the relationship. Stop fuelling someone else’s fragile ego. You can put that time and energy to much better use.
  8. Yes, all relationships go through challenges, but partners work through them together. Your partner should be a source of strength, not negative energies.
  9. You have the right to say No. The other person should value and acknowledge your decision.
  10. The smallest bits of lies destroy a relationship. If someone is constantly lying to you and making you unhappy, let them go.

Remember, life is too short and precious. Don’t spend it with a person who hurts you. Stand up for yourself –  you are powerful and you have the right to decide who stays in your life.

Image Credits: Enough is enough