The Journey Begins

Being Single at 30 – the Bad and the Ugly

If your first thought after reading what’s coming up next is “Wow, this woman has serious ‘hate’ issues” You probably are correct. #Wedding at least is not my ultimate goal – and I’m not jealous when half my friends post absolutely adorable pictures with their families.

Here’s a little recap – being in the rishta market probably is not the best experience. You always feel as if you are on display and you need to be taken off the shelf before the expiry date. And if you are little chubby and dark – all hell would break loose. You’ll be forced to feel that you will always be less than happy and perfect. After all, 99% aunties want a‘milky white’ daughter in law.

I wonder – Is it normal to feel this pressure,i.e. to be in a relationship along with the most hated question “beta, when will you get married!” Sometimes I believe that every woman above 30 in Pakistan is either married or in a relationship, but me – at least rishta aunties and not so caring distant relatives make it seem that way.

So here’s what I’ve learned being a chubby and dark single woman over 30.

1. Rishta Aunties and Potential ‘SaaS to be’ are more judgemental than they look. And that’s just awful.

If those tea trolley adventures weren’t enough, rishta aunties are often looking for girls at social events. So it is not surprising that you’ll notice a few stares, awkward eye rolls, toxic smirks and fake smiles everywhere you go. I just don’t understand why a bunch of women would scrutinize your every move– Aunty ….. I am pretty much like everyone else.

2. Every random uncle and aunty would tell you that being single for too long is‘dangerous’ and you have to get married ASAP – Achayrishtaynahiaayege!

Let’s set these judgmental aunties aside for a second. We’ll talk about them later – apparently, they’re already getting plenty of attention. (Maybe even all of the attention – I’m sure all the single ladies would agree with this!)

Let’s talk about you – and me. Because no matter how hard we try, there’s a battle going on in our heads. I mean why I have to answer the same question every day or explain why I am single or I am not in any kind of a healthy relationship.

Until now – all I have done is to bottle up all of my feelings, problems, and anger – because,in our society, these questions are not valid. More importantly, you would be rude, arrogant to question these norms. How can I allow a bunch of uncles and aunties to decide the fate of one of the most intimate relationships – a relationship where I should be free to be myself? I want to be with someone who can accept me for who I am – not because of my skin tone, my height, my body proportions or my ‘age’ for that matter. This society will become a nicer place if we become a little considerate towards single women. Yes, we are humans too!

3. Your career has no importance

This kind of dynamic is rarely just in someone’s head – you’ll be given constant reminders. In fact, you will have to believe that the corporate world is a horrible place and if something goes wrong, it’s always your fault. Yes, if you are single ‘working’ woman, there will be character issues. Some peeps would even believe that you’ll become a different sort of a person!
Well, I don’t believe in giving explanations. But a working woman is perfectly capable of handling her household and her office responsibilities at the same time. Why do people assume that I can’t control my home and that I shall make my future husband’s life miserable because I don’t know how to cook!

If you suspect that I might blow up and head “out the door,” the next time I hear this absurd statement, your instincts are right. I try not to answer back because some people just don’t get smarter or wiser or better at life even after doing something for years.

At 30 —when everyone on this planet seems to be asking you exactly what you want—it’s okay to say “peace of mind.”

Yes, it’s okay to say ‘let me live’ to the annoying rishta aunties, to your negative friends and even your rishtaydaar. It’s okay to admit you don’t want to get into a relationship just because everyone else is getting married.

Being single might be an unusual situation, but aren’t we unusual in some way? Remember that marriage is a deeply personal decision. And the right time is whenever you feel it is right. You don’t have to rush – there are plenty of beautiful, intelligent and strong single ladies your age. Also, your skin tone, your height or your body proportions don’t define you. Love yourself – because you’re worth it!


Author: Thinking Thirty

A firm believer in positive thinking | Breaking the stigma against single women | Giving up & giving in isn’t an option | It’s never too late to make a change

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